The Soul

Saying Goodbye

2010-02-27T02:07:00.002+08:00

Dear blog, with a heavy heart i abandon you for - for my psyche is no longer filled with angst, and i am a keeper of personal information who has no longer found joy in ranting and showing off to the world through a blog.

For the period of time where the blue devil accompanied me through my life, there have been many ghastly posts of rage and pain.

i would like to thank my family, friends, Ms. A, and a particular supposedly dubious substance for turning my life around and giving me the ability to be objective.

a chapter has been closed!

Silence

2010-01-26T17:11:00.000+08:00

No news is good news.
In all contexts and aspects of the meaning of the statement in itself.

Spiritual Healing

2010-01-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

When one feels at one with the universe, nothing else matters.
Problem is holding on to that feeling.

Perfection

2009-11-07T03:53:00.004+08:00

Perfection is non-existence, for it is only in that state that nothing more/less can be achieved; thus fulfilling the criteria of what it means to be "perfect".

Alternatively, Perfection is existence in its current, true-present state without idealisation. For without such expectations, an object/being cannot be idealised to be something more/less and therefore the entity itself would be "perfect".

Nov 1st.

2009-11-01T16:40:00.000+08:00

Start of a new month! May things be well! :D :D

I love you guys, wenqi, andy, brother, banghur and felix!

And sk and jeh too, even though... :D

young and old

2009-10-28T01:11:00.001+08:00

To be 70 years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be 40 years old.

Wish i could say so for myself! (even though im not 70)

Mum attack

2009-10-26T01:36:00.001+08:00

I dreamt i attacked my mum... in rage and with purposeful intent. It disturbs me? Yeah it does... not because its my mum. But the very fact that i could hold such thoughts of rage and violence against someone.

We are still our origins... somewhere in us lies a primitive instinct.

Want

2009-10-23T21:57:00.001+08:00

but can't, so express the frustration in withdrawal

Psychedelic Stations

2009-10-18T20:40:00.003+08:00

Here are some psychedelic stations (if you like that sort of stuff) to listen to.

Psychill
Trance
Goa-Psy Trance
Chillout Dreams
Chillout

Withdrawal

2009-10-07T21:02:00.003+08:00

i feel like this

Like in two worlds

2009-10-04T23:47:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna die, but what's the use of living if you can't live the kind of life you want? Honestly it feels like i'm shuffling between 2 worlds.

The day and night world, in which the "day" refers to a period where i follow societal norms and monopolist laws set by countries and people-in-power.... and the "night" world, where i am living on the edge. so called the edge because of the kind of risks i am taking, the defiant and rebellious attitude i adopt. basically, playing with fire.

In an existence where there is no place in the world where you can truly truly belong, and yet you also do not want to die(for there is only one chance to live)...

It only seems like i find myself asking, is it really this? are we born to be inculcated and ingrained into the bigger mass and lose ourselves whilst adopting the agreement of the masses to be "law and order"? where crime, sin and prejudice are synonyms for "minority"?

Human

2009-09-30T21:50:00.007+08:00

I don't think i have ever hidden my disdain for humankind in general. Probably disdain is too strong or rather, inaccurate a word. The bottom line in my mind is that humans are the reasons for their own suffering.

Indonesians are probably cursing and swearing at the weather, various 'disasters' and declining health in its country. But do they, the very people who create health risks even think how these 'disasters' came to be?
Oh but it's not just indonesians anymore... Global warming? Oil industries? Overfishing?

Earth IS overpopulated. By one species. Us.

The methods we use to extract her resources, the rate at which are reproducing and the activities we engage in just to keep a "healthy and stable economy" are slowly draining the only planet in which we know holds life. The abandon which we possess in getting rid of anything that hinders our growth... how long more can earth last?

I've always laughed at people who are self centred enough to think that we are all here, and we are the chosen of all species. That we are specially placed here and we are the special ones anyway. Like, all other life and occurrences are negligent when compared to the great and mighty animal - humans.

Really, what is so special about us, other than how we institutionalize our fellow human beings, make use of what is given us with much wastage and basically holding no respect for nature and life?

I know that in the grand scheme of things and the universe, whether earth existed or not wouldn't matter anyway - it is but a single planet in the infinitely sized universe. And honestly, that is one logic i cannot defy and have come to accept. But what i can certainly rouse myself to is the fact that humans brought disasters to themselves and expect not to pay for their actions.

IF i had my way, the entire human population would be wiped off the face of this earth. And to anyone and everyone who thinks they're so much more special at all, you're no more than an organism eating its fill of earth. We all are.

Time goes by

2009-09-28T22:07:00.001+08:00

WOW! Memories!

My Long MIA

2009-09-22T23:55:00.003+08:00

I haven't been posting for so long! I was just lying on my bed and having some difficulty falling asleep and i thought of how my "loyal fans"(im joking) must miss my posts.

But as the old adage goes, "No news is good news".
Literally, no pun intended.

And i think it's true. Most of the times we blog when we want to insult/complain/rant/blah. But anyhow, this time i just wanted to sort of blog about nothing. Life's been kinda good. I mean, not too good, but not too bad either. I would suppose its all in the mind.

Been single for 2 years already, my best record as yet ^ ^. Yeah, with the occasional attraction to some hot young thing but not much luck in that department.

Gosh writing all these just makes me remember how much i loved writing and why did i stop? I don't like being busy. I want to be of royal blood. And i will write more.

Cheated

2009-08-13T22:28:00.001+08:00

Why can't i ever learn?

Strawberry Fields Forever

2009-08-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

Let me take you down, cause Im going to
Strawberry fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever

Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
Its getting hard to be someone, but it all works out
It doesnt matter much to me

Let me take you down, cause Im going to
Strawberry fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever

No one, I think, is in my tree
I mean, it must be high or low
That is, you cant, you know, tune in, but its alright
That is, I think its not too bad

Let me take you down, cause Im going to
Strawberry fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever

Always, no, sometimes, think its me
But, you know, I know when its a dream
I think, er, no, I mean, er, yes, but its all wrong
That is, I think I disagree

Let me take you down, cause Im going to
Strawberry fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever
Strawberry fields forever
Strawberry fields forever

Impatience

2009-07-30T21:57:00.002+08:00

I am an impatient person.
There is only so much i am willing to help before i start getting pissed.
And really, i believe that because in this world people are dependent on each other,
Those that simply sit back and just watch while their fellow humans slog it out for them give me a really bad field day.
That wouldn't be so cool. But the icing on the cake is when they plop more loads on you and make it worser than if they just sat back and relaxed...

iPhone in Blender

2009-07-25T02:08:00.000+08:00

Wow..not bad ah. God.

2009-07-19T23:46:00.003+08:00

Ryan got a message that on this day, God wants him to know...
... that happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.

You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer.

From Facebook. And yes i do agree. It is basic human wisdom. Whether by God or not, it still holds true. Happiness is acceptance.
And God, doesn't belong to any religion.

Indecisiveness

2009-07-13T18:50:00.002+08:00

Is perhaps the greatest vice of all.

But yet again, how many of us spend our lives not daring to face up to the reality of it all?
Desperately we try to distract ourselves and ignore the roots of unhappiness in our lives. What is there in running, other than the fact that everyday spent living in such misery is another day wasted.

Some people die without ever fully realising what they have missed.

Maybe not..

2009-07-05T20:13:00.002+08:00

Do i really consciously lie? I'm not sure. Perhaps my thoughts keep changing so often that one truth becomes outdated so fast, it becomes a lie. My life is moving really fast, it's a hell of a roller coaster ride.

If my friends are reading this, i'm having megan fox moments these days. The one where she says, "i'm so painfully insecure, i'm on the verge of vomitting right now.".

Am i really getting hints that i am not welcome or am i just really just imagining things?

I definitely hope i am not reading the wrong signs.

Cough

2009-06-26T13:56:00.001+08:00

It feels like the whooping cough.

The True 7 Sins

2009-06-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

"There are seven sins in the world: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character, Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice and politics without principle." - Mahatma Gandhi

The Fall

2009-06-22T18:38:00.003+08:00

Alright, i know i said that you'll never get to heaven if you're scared of getting high, but maybe when you're up too high, when it comes to falling down, you land with a greater impact with a very sore bum.

Lying Shit

2009-06-16T19:26:00.004+08:00

I damn fucking suck at lying.
I mean, it's not that i make an effort to lie, but sometimes i forget how certain details are and just make up something - and then after time i remember it and it kinda spills out my mouth.

so what the fuck. NO PEACE! I hope people aren't smart enough to see through my lies
but the fact is i think they are!

How to be a good liar? Oh wait, why do i even want to lie?
Oh damn, it feels good and it gets me what i want.
Oh shit, Not for long.

Red Blooded

2009-06-10T19:06:00.001+08:00

You'll never get to heaven if you're scared of getting high

Change

2009-06-04T16:21:00.016+08:00

Recently, a series of events have turned my life around.

1) In an unexpected way, a bad experience taught me the importance of polarities.
In order to be happy, you need to practice. Also, you must know the opposite of what happyness is, then accept it, and acceptance comes by practice. For without sadness and hurt, happyness does not exist. I was suffering an hour, and then came the bliss of acceptance for the next few hours, and the suffering only made my bliss all the more sweeter.

2) A friend i trusted with a knowledge, let it out. Twice. But because of 1), i learnt that the most important thing is, i made a decision to be her friend. She saw what she should not have done, something that is to be praised. And we two learnt the weight of trust.

3) Another close friend threw me a bomb: that i was throwing my depression on to others. It was hardly surprising she said that. I am proud to admit i had been doing that in the past, because all i saw was an extreme: negativity. I never did realise that in order for darkness to exist, there must be some light i refused to see. However, whatever improving depression i had when i knew her, she saw only what she wanted to see in a belief she mentally constructed.

4) I have been trying to make people around my think more positively. And now i see even more of what i was before. A person bent on negative thoughts gets stuck in that loop. How could i ever have been so naive to think that happyness was something NOBODY possessed? A touch of cynicism still stays with me, but the kind of cynicism attributed with reality.

5) I realised how horribly stubborn i was, not because i intentionally wanted to be, but because of my lack of ability to listen and trying to understand others' point of views. I was not listening. I was hearing. I was not empathizing. I was discussing. And when i thought i knew how things should be, it was as it is : i thought i knew.
And now, i realised how block headed i was, because the nature of such things is that people who never listen, will never listen, because they think they already are listening.

6) I now believe in the existence of happyness. And yet it is no secret. For happyness is not sought, but a state of mind you choose to adopt.

The secret is... there is no secret.

If it must be said simply, Open your eyes and see things as they really are. In order to do that, you need to listen. Not just listen, but LISTEN.
If it's a problem, try solving it. If you can't after trying, Accept. And then smile.

Trust

2009-05-27T20:12:00.010+08:00

What an under appreciated, under valued thing.
It is ok. Life goes on even with betrayal.
There's absolutely no respect for my choice to trust by a few, it is a pity they misplace my confidence in them.
However, it is not my loss, as in the first place, i gave my trust; it was my choice. I can live up to myself, without guilt or regret.

New people will come, and new trust will be built. I will not give up nor change myself just because of how previously, people have shattered my trust in them.

heart,cries

2009-05-25T17:57:00.003+08:00

for almost 23 years you brought me up, gave me a love all too dangerous and fed me, yet i was alone.
But if not for you, how could i have learnt what unconditional love is?

yet today, for the first time, i looked at you, i really looked, at your legs, your face, your eyes, your hair and your chest.
and i could never feel my heart crying more than this: i never really knew you.

and you'll pass on, i, with the regret that i would never know you, with the pain that you too, never really knew me. and yet... there was unconditional love.

Soaking

2009-05-24T20:07:00.012+08:00

It wasn't easy.
The process of asking, the care taken.
It was exasperating.
Couldn't find anyone and was eager to let a friend have the go.
found someone, paid the price. will pay the price of trust as well.
Investment transferred. appointments cancelled.

Abortion of plans all susceptible to an indecisive overriding factor.
and anger, reinforced at the amount of effort taken to achieve;
all for the sole purpose of 1. person.
i would not have, otherwise. would not have any need to, either.

objective point of view, an anger borne out of expectations that plans follow through, after a perceived "given" on my part.

a vision, of a baby throwing things around. mum cancels a friday night out,stays at home and cleans up.

All is vanity

2009-05-11T20:08:00.002+08:00

Compromise

2009-05-10T18:55:00.002+08:00

It has come to my attention that when you choose to gain something, you lose something else in the process.

I suppose that is the law of nature.

A person can never be at two opposites simultaneously, and a compromise is inevitable.

Con

2009-05-05T23:20:00.002+08:00

Is there not someone who TRULY cares whether i am feeling down?
Someone to empathise instead of just superficial brushes across the surface.

Move!

2009-04-24T13:47:00.002+08:00

In the holy name of God and Zionism - find somewhere else to live

Revolutionary Road

2009-04-22T00:18:00.002+08:00

“No one forgets the truth, they just get better at lying.”

We pile our lies on the truth like soil over a mound.

Until gradually we hardly notice the truth anymore.

What are things really like, and can we accept the truth?
We can't, and that is why, we pile. We pile until it becomes something we can accept to help us go on.

Age

2009-04-17T14:33:00.002+08:00

Of the greatest of problems told,
is the inevitable one of growing old
My only and just consolation?
learning better how to discern
Still, a high price to pay
feeling a tiny wrinkle each new day
And how i envy the reckless youth,
perhaps hot blood makes up for lack of mind.

Edith Piaf

2009-04-04T20:01:00.015+08:00

You could do things in the time you live, but how do you know you will be remembered?
So what if you are remembered when you are gone...?
When you are gone, does it matter?
It matters as much as not mattering.

Perhaps, she must be thinking these thoughts when she was singing this song - she died the following year. And what it is to be like, that we are watching this video of her?

She seems to sing as though she knows her end is nigh. Yet happy to know she is able to bring entertainment to other people's lives.
When we die...what will become of us? Less than a memory? Do we want to be remembered because that's the only power we have over death? Being remembered yet not knowing you are...

We try so hard to find some meaning in our life before we hit that grave and disappear forever.

Religion

2009-03-30T14:26:00.006+08:00

When you subscribe to a religion, you substitute nebulous group-think for focused, independent thought. Instead of learning to discern truth on your own, you’re told what to believe. This doesn’t accelerate your spiritual growth; on the contrary it puts the brakes on your continued conscious development. Religion is the off-switch of the human mind.

For once, learn to think for yourself. Doesn't hurt trying for the next 5 minutes, does it? Try it.

Religions are very effective at turning human beings into sheep. They’re among the most powerful instruments of social conditioning. They operate by eroding your trust in your own intellect, gradually convincing you to put your trust into some external entity, such as a deity, prominent figure, or great book. Of course these instruments are usually controlled by those who administrate the minion training program, but they don’t have to be. Simply by convincing you to give your power away to something outside yourself, religion will condition you to be weaker, more docile, and easier to control. Religions actively promote this weakening process as if it were beneficial, commonly branding it with the word faith. What they’re actually promoting is submission.

The truth is that so-called religious authorities don’t know any more about spirituality than you do. However, they know how to manipulate your fear and uncertainty for their own benefit. How nice of you to let them.

Although the most popular religions are very old, L. Ron Hubbard proved the process can be replicated from scratch in modern times. As long as there are large numbers of people who fear the responsibility of their own power, religions will continue to dominate the landscape of human development.

If you want to talk to God, then communicate directly instead of using third-party intermediaries. Surely God has no need of an interpreter. Don’t fall into the trap of becoming a mindless minion. It’s a mistake to think that turning off your neocortex and practicing mindless “faith” will bring you closer to God. In truth it will only bring you closer to dog.

************

Historically speaking, religious people loved to fight each other. Instead of unconditional love, they practice conditional loyalty. The only unconditional aspect is their thirst for blood. If you disagree with them, you’re a target… either for conversion or destruction (both of which are really the same thing).

The more we collectively abandon all religion, the better off this planet will be. This doesn’t mean we have to abandon all spiritual pursuits. It just means we must stop turning spirituality into something it isn’t.

Religion will teach you to fear being different, to fear standing up for yourself, and to fear being an independent thinker. It will erode your self-trust by explaining why you’re unable to successfully manage life on your own terms: You are unworthy. You’re a sinner. You’re unclean. You belong to a lesser caste. Of course the solution is always the same — submit to the will of an external authority. Give away your power. Live in fear for the rest of your life, and hope it will all turn out okay in the end.

- Steve Pavlina

This is not to say that God does not exist. But, can God merely be defined by a great book, scripture, or just a school of thought?

Without a belief in God, you will have to assume total responsibility for your results in life. Do you dare to take the step?

Do spend weekends and your hard earned money at your local charity. Let's do a favour to those REALLY in need. God does NOT need cash, and i'm sure a benevolent God would rather see good being done in service to fellow humankind. Wouldn't THAT be the sweetest worship?

Ikea.

2009-03-29T20:58:00.002+08:00

a day in many, in life.

2009-03-28T14:24:00.002+08:00

Reveille at 0630
1 day = 24 hours.
Singaporeans are suckers for OT.
Lets count it 10 hours at work, 2 hours of travel = 12 hours out of home
24hrs - 12hrs = 12!
YAY we still have time!
OPTIMAL sleep = 7-8 hours.
12+8 = 20 hours.

24hrs - 20 hrs = we only have 4 hours a day for ourselves.

And within that hour, we're supposed to, according to the government,
fuck our wives until they get pregnant, like seriously, out for dinner,
watch tv maybe, bathe, check emails, spend quality time with whatever
is left of a family.

And thats just painting a nicer picture.
There ARE people who work like there's no night or day.

Isn't it just cool?
So you singaporeans think this is life?
Brainwashed idiotic dumbs.

when do we post?

2009-03-20T03:17:00.003+08:00

when we are upset? when we complain?
when?

it's difficult to talk about happy stuff, or good things happening, there's nary more than 10 words when we do.

in ecstasy we don't congratulate,yet we blame the losing games we play by fate.

no time to thank for victory, but all the time in the world to rant and blame.

Thinking of you.

2009-02-22T19:58:00.000+08:00

emo

2009-02-10T19:59:00.002+08:00

Don't be emo. Emo is sad and crying and sitting around in blackness.

Take the blackness and twist it into a weapon of devastating fury.

glamour?

2009-02-01T03:23:00.004+08:00

Some people spend their whole lives trying to portray themselves as glamorous, but i suppose those who are truly head turners aren't the ones who try -that- hard.

If someone wanted to be a Diva, isn't it about just the way they carry themselves naturally instead of forcing it?
Divas aren't Gods, you know. In fact, i think the majority of people around
would find divas interesting, but nobody would actually love a diva? especially a male one?

That being said, sometimes, we carry things too far and lose ourselves in trying
to portray a certain image/ act like a certain someone, which in that aspect is utterly self defeating simply because everything about oneself has become so fake and undemanding of envy.

In the end, we all have to ask ourselves who we want to be. To continue donning a stupid facade that achieves absolutely nothing but ridicule, or face the facts.

It takes so much to become someone of great achievements.

If your way of talking is uncouth and use of words slippery, you'll always just be that and nothing more, no matter how expensive the goods you splat on yourself.

Ocean Deep

2009-01-24T03:37:00.002+08:00

Now , can't you hear when I call
Can't you hear the word I say
A little love is all I ask
A little feelin' when we touch

Why am I still alone
I've got a heart without a home
A little love is all I ask
And that is all

I wanna spread my wings
But I just can't fly
As a string of pearls
The pretty girls go sailin' by

Ocean deep
I'm so afraid to show my feelings
I have sailed a million ceilings
Solitary room

Ocean deep
Will I ever find a lover
Maybe she has found another
And as I cry myself to sleep
I know this love of mine I'll keep
Ocean deep

atop a tree

2009-01-20T19:31:00.002+08:00

it was an exciting day today as i made my way HIGH UP
a tree, traversing through ropes, rungs and nets,
MANY feet above the ground.

Honestly, standing right at the top and looking down
gives you the jitters. Jumping off and performing a flying
fox down to the ground is a whooosh!

Haha. Think typical James Bond slides off a sandy slope and hangs
over a cliff feeling.
I felt my legs wobble. Wobbly wobb. Okay,
i have to thank Kailun. Really nice guy.
Thanks for constantly looking to check if i'm ok.

when you truly need a friend

2009-01-19T20:39:00.005+08:00

it seems like coincidentally there's no one there.
how lonely a soul. how long it survives.

board game frenzy!

2009-01-14T21:41:00.003+08:00

We're so into board games now suddenly, and so i went down to toy'r'us
and bought...

It cost a whopping $60.
But benji's monopoly still beats at $80.

Even board games are so "3G" now. Instead of cash?
Use credit cards. Wow.

And edmund, your drawings are so cute, i think you're rather
cute, and you'd say i'm so gay for saying this, but yeah you are.

who else would draw such cute msn handwriting pictures!?

digressing a little, i know i haven't been updating often, and
truth is, with this frequency, i can hardly remember what's happening
in my life. (And i still owe ms ang that life chart thing).
Truth is, i suspect this forgetfulness is a self defense mechanism
that kicked in to help with recovery.

moi bakery!

2009-01-07T19:24:00.004+08:00

this is something to rejoice about. The first cornbread i've ever baked,
in my 22 years of living.

i mean its something rejoice because there's something new in my life,
and god & the devil knows its the only respite i find from this mundane world.

so anyway, i know you would buy my cornbread. it looks nice. its great.

a cleaner life

2009-01-03T04:48:00.002+08:00

Oh gawd, i am so fwuckin tired right now.
But i'm leading a cleaner adult life!
Finally i feel the demons driven out from my world.
Woohoo!

Love you guys.
(and dear wq, you look hilarious sleeping in that sitting position.)

in a horrid place

2008-12-30T12:42:00.002+08:00

why do you constrain me here?
you take my will and chain it down,
and here i sit, against my very own humanity.

somebody, please enlighten me, tell me
this extreme need for freedom is not out of hand,
not out of reality.

singaporeans english

2008-12-28T12:38:00.004+08:00

really bad hor?
why is lieutenant pronounced "left ter nent"?
just a random thought.

anyway, japan was really great, company was not.
but i really enjoyed the food, i think i spent about
$500 just purely eating.

Probably about 4 meals?

Haha.
Well i dont mind going again.
The novelty is kinda wearing off, but the food is never
old.
Woo.

Merry Belated Chrismas!

LifeStyling!

2008-12-18T01:59:00.000+08:00

Be in Style.

a loveboat

2008-12-10T14:46:00.003+08:00

So when we proclaim that friendship is a ship so great to behold and always to be prioritised, we actually mean we would take off in a loveboat anytime.
how else can we avoid being stranded while waiting for our pink hull?

but of course, a ship's grandeur could always pale in comparison because while we're there just for the sake of companionship, it is not where we would truly choose to be. In short? We sail the sails of friend-ship eagerly anticipating to make off, taking care not to make our intentions too obvious.

oh and anyway, don't state something just to have a guilt-free trip.
people actually have eyes to see, and ears do remember.

come to think of it, am i guilty too?
at least not now, neither so blatantly with empty words.

the company makes the fun

2008-12-09T00:27:00.006+08:00

Oh no, i just reached home and i'm kinda worried about whether i can wake up tomorrow. Gahhh gahhh gahhhhhh...

Benji stayed over last night and i totally owned him in red alert 3. wooo. Ok, and then we woke up late this morning and rushed over to meet wenqi and andy at escape theme park and....

Why does it rain every hari raya?

Our escape trip was ruined by the rain. which so nicely just stopped when we were leaving the place. So, back up plan was to catch Bolt 3D!
And thank god i caught this amazing movie. Was trying to hold back my tears at the end. Well, i have problems. "You came back" always somehow seems to make me cry.
haha. anyway, 3d roxmasox!

BOLT JUMPED OUT AT ME! WOOOHOOOO!
Here's my friends acting tupid:

without the 3d glasses, the images are blurred. WITH glasses, well i really can't show it to you, there's no image that can actually make you want to reach out and touch bolt. So go catch it yerself.

And oh, i ate 5 meals today. pig. what's with this eating binge? on top of that, we sat at a cafe singing oldies at the top of our voices; in prinsep st from 9-11.30 and i ate some more french fries.

I swear i'm fat.

chancing upon a memory

2008-12-07T15:46:00.000+08:00

under act -insert rubbish number here-,

2008-12-03T22:05:00.009+08:00

i am not supposed to defame the sucking assholic forceshit. or anything like that, or tell the truth about it, just blatant lies on how good it is.

but still, FUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOU
FUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOU
FUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOU
FUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOUFUCK YOU

I've NEVER ever seen such a bloody useless organisation where everything is just for bloody show.SHOW.SHOW. Sometimes i can screw my brains out working for someone, just to suddenly stop and ask myself, why the FUCK am i even doing it? Yeah, it's like dismantling something and then putting it back again,30000 times. Why? HOW I KNOW!?

Nothing can describe the way i feel about doing things that are totally UNNECESSARY. You know, like, what the fuck you do that for? Because it looks good? Because... simply for the sake of passing time? Because, oh, we just need to put up a good front.

And then you get, "because it's under some (stupid) directive", and then in the end you're questioning stupidity that's just -there-. Yeah, "Rip the carton box apart and paste it back into one whole again, that's the directive." Again, i'm baffled.

I fucking hate stupid things, stupid people, and just plain useless stupidity.
Fuck you.

Clinging on.

2008-12-02T21:02:00.000+08:00

Why abandon a belief merely because it ceases to be true? Cling to it long enough, and it will turn true again, for so it goes. Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor.

- Robert Lee Frost

every week i dish

2008-11-30T19:06:00.004+08:00

there's a limit to how often someone wants to cook,
and maybe just every week is abit tiring, probably
more so because i just can't lead a repetitive life,
perhaps also enforced by the fact that i am a GUY.

Yet it feels really bad to have to reject your own family.
Thus again i find myself in a complicated situation
where i can't say no, and yet i don't really wanna do
something.

I'm tired of a repetitive life.
I'm tired of spending sundays waiting for the
sun to complete one cycle into a dread monday
in camp sitting around like a duck in a farm.

kiss-a-model

2008-11-29T03:05:00.003+08:00

dreams come true huh

2008-11-25T23:21:00.005+08:00

it was really weird, I remember being so happy in my dream that I woke up. But quickly jolted back into reality,I blinked in utter disappointment and almost disbelief... and I actually said aloud in shock, "it was just a dream...".

Still shaken by the impact of being thumped back suddenly to the ground from heaven, I idled a while, feeling the pain, and then I went back to sleep.
Dreams come true. Or do they?

siao

2008-11-23T01:44:00.007+08:00

i just read my previous entry and i think i'm siao.
lol. however, i will keep my proof of being siao.

besides being siao, i have friends like LEONG CHUAN who make me look...

RETARDED. (photo edited for security reasons)
i didn't know you took these retarded looking pics of me until i just looked at my phone. lol.

and last night while on the way to clarke quay,
the 2 girls and i saw 12 taxis, on the road.
(i don't know how is it possible that so many taxis
can appear at one time, all together.

yes we walked from dhoby ghaut to clarke quay.
and talked about the forbidden pleasures of the flesh
the whole night.
haha.AND I HAVE NO MORE MONEY IN MY BANK ACCOUNT.

kinda drunk...

2008-11-22T03:59:00.012+08:00

they say you speak the truth when you're high on spirits...
maybe its true?
the truth is, i want to give you a
happier life than he has ever given you,
your smile means alot to me, your happiness, even more.
i'll never be untrue, i'll never stray, i have never and will never, but at the same time, i don't want something thats not truly given.

and then again, im drunk, so i may be talking nonsense which i might not remember when i wake up.
so while alcohol removes my inhibitions, i'm typing
nonsense here...
even in a stupor i'm not one to pester. you know,
to me, i respect decisions. and i'm realistic enough
not to wish for reciprocated feelings. so, unless its a happy union, i rather forsake it.

but i wish you would search for your own happiness...
and i wish i could be the source of it.
all these are just nice thoughts.
even though i may no longer be wishing for you in future,
i'll always hope you have a smile on your face,
even as a friend.
i'll be here if you need me, anytime.
just don't use me for selfish reasons, i can't stay around to take that.
even if we no longer see each other anymore, its perfectly fine, my life wouldn't change much.

and most importantly, i would never want something i'm not supposed to get.
maybe it's better to not talk until one day you feel the same way...
i l y.

擦肩而过

2008-11-20T22:21:00.000+08:00

你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

pasta frenzy

2008-11-18T21:40:00.014+08:00

haha, i've been cooking pasta for the past 3 days
and having a crazy frenzy eating it.

Sunday, it was for my family of 10, like...
potato salad, baked macaroni&cheese, and tomato shrimp spag...

And then yesterday, benji came over and i did a seafood tomato
stew, and mac&cheese. BECAUSE he didn't believe i could whip up dishes.
tu es une biatch, mais je t'aime mon ami. :)

and then today, i did aglio olio....and i thought it looked
quite cute, so i took a picture of it.
cute hor? Yeah ok thanks.

And today i just had a horrible epiphany.
That after days of not even seeing someone...
i ACTUALLY MISS THAT PERSON.
ok. it's really quite unbelievable,
considering how i'm being treated.

But i'm not desperate, or anything, so,
i can always leave things alone and move on.
afterall, in time people forget such memories.

alcoholism

2008-11-16T22:43:00.009+08:00

Liquid gold and cubed ice
i down the fires with a sigh
Draining glasses in slow succession
Hours pass yet still,
vividly clear stays my vision

And an hour after my persistent sobriety,
Powerhouse was boring, my friends were not.

Without love

2008-11-14T00:37:00.014+08:00

Sex without love is bullshit.
Ok, random, but i was thinking about it
today and i got roused to comment.

As unusual(haha), my fri - sun this week
is packed. Do i really like going out so much?
I'm not really sure.

But if i really can, i'd like to squeeze some time in
to go IKEA this sunday. Anyone? Follow me?

And hmm...i do treasure the friendship, but i guess
i'm wanting too close.

Nights, everybardy!

i've stopped waiting for the replies

free

2008-11-12T10:34:00.005+08:00

Save me tonight
Save my soul from the spite
Let me pray for my land, follow me, be my friend
We’ll begin a wonderful life
Far from worries and from lies
I believe in this land, so stay with me
Stay forever near to me

i want to follow dance lessons,
learn foreign languages, travel around the world,
experience a whole new exciting existence,
because life is meant to be.

truth.

2008-11-11T21:13:00.003+08:00

Any fact that needs to be disclosed should be put out now or as quickly as possible, because otherwise ... the bleeding will not end. - Henry A Kissinger

furniture sadness

2008-11-09T21:13:00.004+08:00

Why...am i still not able to find a damn sidetable?
as if not having a study table is not bad enough.

i squeezed through the crowd at ikea just to find....nothing.
anyway its not that bad, because i'm really quite broke already.

and now it's 9:24 and i'm sad cos tomorrow is back to camp.

and i did something stupid. haha.
well, i guess when you're half asleep you do/say stupid
things. hope i didn't spoil anything. haha.

Goodnight, from over here. Z.Z

Tell me where it hurts...

2008-11-08T02:35:00.005+08:00

one of my favourite songs, ever.

Why is that sad look in your eyes
Why are you crying
Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me, why you're feelin' this way
I hate to see you so down, oh baby
Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do?

*Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me
And I'll love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Where are all those tears coming from
Why are they falling
Somebody, somebody, somebody left your heart in the cold
You just need somebody to hold on, baby
Give me a chance to put back all the pieces
Take your broken heart
Make it just like new
There's so many things that I can do

*

i continue uploading pictures

2008-11-06T12:57:00.010+08:00

of tuesday's gathering. and i installed a new
viewer for the images as well!
try clicking!

Hot n Cold

2008-11-05T23:50:00.015+08:00

This song is really funky.
It's on repeat mode now.

there's something about jilted brides running after
their grooms.
something that is of majestic tragical beauty.

oh and we were making funny faces at the cam and
incorporating special effects into our photos.
i guess after 1 year of not meeting up, people
tend to go crazy when they get together again,
or maybe its just I AM FUN!!!

i fucking hate mondays

2008-11-02T23:13:00.001+08:00

its like falling back to earth from heaven.

and i didn't know you didn't enjoy it at all.

our belief

2008-11-01T15:24:00.003+08:00

i suspect that sometimes, just sometimes,
we want something so much, we'll try to
believe it even if it's not there.

i could make you happier, you know that?

Singing i'm yours in my new house

2008-10-31T17:43:00.006+08:00

haha so we were just crazing around and decided to record
a video with my hopelessly bad-at-lip-syncing brother,
my voice and his friend playing the guitar.

oh and i li-ke my new houze~~
after a year of wait, its finally -almost- completed!
yay....see!

Even though its not really completed, but i feel a great
sense of relief to be moving out of the old junkish house.

And i finally get to decorate my own room and my own wardrobe
and my own own own own zzzz. i think im a whiz at design.

Looks

2008-10-29T12:42:00.004+08:00

Nature, or creation?

We, the common people,
Creation or nature?

To think about improvement, or to accept?
To fix a perceived broken, or to just lie back?

The thing about nice and good is,
there simply exists the need for the ugly and bad.

Blindness

2008-10-25T18:30:00.000+08:00

There is a condition worse than blindness, and that is,
seeing something that isn't there.

Burberry splurge, again.

2008-10-23T22:41:00.006+08:00

I knew going to the Burberry launch would NEVER be
a good idea, cos my itchy hands are sure to reach into
that near empty wallet of mine and start taking out
the cards....

And i bloody blasted my money on a belt.
In some way, its kinda er, better because i
was orignally aiming for an LV belt.
But, need to save for japan la.

So anyway, as special guests to the function,
we got a door gift(which is pretty fine to me)
and had nice champagne and blah blah blah,
the usual stuff you get when you go to
boutique openings.

i saw terence chao!

The door gift is nice! A leather-bound
notebook made in italy.
Can't bear to open it, but anyhow, this is what i got.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

2008-10-21T12:10:00.000+08:00

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Man's need for dependance

2008-10-18T11:30:00.000+08:00

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

consciousness

2008-10-13T20:59:00.005+08:00

thought i would say hi to your presence.
being the rage of debates and a crucial ability
to feel happiness,
i must say you haven't been very kind to me, you know...

maybe its time to try something new?

mirror prank

2008-10-11T19:14:00.008+08:00

Absolutely Hilarious Bathroom Mirror Prank

Kinda cool. haha

marriage

2008-10-08T18:13:00.004+08:00

Love and Marriage are not unlike inconspicuous timed-bombs,
contents holding the essence of the "proprieties of nature",
mocking everyone's tolerance for routine, while tempting them with
promises of euphoria.

My view is that we not do things for the sake of it,
let's count on the one thing that NEVER fails to give
you gratification, the thing that we're all born
to for. Sex. (Which i dont get much of. Sad)

Of course, im not saying we should never get married,
have kids, blah blah blah....proprieties of nature.
but let's think twice and save your future offspring the
pain.

and digressing a full 180 degrees, AMEI ROCKS! AMEI ROCKS!
YEAH! Her concert was ff-f-f-f-f-good.
Yeah, i went for it, with like what...the lousiest tickets
in the house.
And my stupid blog skin, i tell you, i swear i'll shred
it into pieces soon.
I'll fix it la.

f1

2008-09-28T20:31:00.008+08:00

what a weekend!
i ate until i almost exploded so many times,
and attended the f1 race.
i had...a nice view.

the cars were er...a blur.
trying to take photos didn't really work
because....

well, a picture paints a thousand words.

Empty Road-------------------------Whirl of color

Whirl of color being, the car speeding by so fast you can
hardly see anything.
And my pass!

But all said and done, i wouldn't pay $5k for the
ticket. Its not THAT exciting, really.

races

2008-09-18T20:48:00.005+08:00

everyone who believes in evolution are at worst, racist,
at best, impressionalist.

especially after you experience the same shit with
the same type of people over and over again,
especially when you realise that some assholes
are unbelievably assholic.

The reason we are born

2008-09-13T14:13:00.002+08:00

Many people ask me the same old question all the time,
albeit in varying tones and verb usage.
But, i believe this question is a constant in
humans' minds.

Why are we born? And what is the meaning to life?
What is the purpose?

Ok la, i don't want to act like i'm some sage, or
wise man with the ultimate correct view to life's
mysteries, but i know that i've traversed the mind's
universe enough to come up with a practical answer.

And i believe that if you ask any dog, cat, cockroach,
or any species on earth, they'll probably answer you.

We're born to fuck.

What makes humans so special then? Why? Just because
we evolved into more sentient beings, does it mean
that we surely have to have something GREATER going
for us?

We're born to fuck, that's it.

errrr jolin.

2008-09-04T19:18:00.007+08:00

you know, photoshop can really do wonders, but without it,
and a rash, jolin looks like chucky.(furnise said the chucky
thing, not me).
anyway, its not like she could really sing.

I repeat, PHOTOSHOP CAN do wonders.

PCK Joke

2008-08-28T20:04:00.008+08:00

PCK, phua chu kang la!, is explaining sex to chu beng's son,
Aloysius...

Aloy: Why is making love so enjoyable?
PCK: Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable because, same like when you dig your nose with your finger. Enjoyable not?

Aloy: Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?
PCK: Of course woman lah! When you dig dig your nose, your nose shiok or your finger shiok?

Aloy: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
PCK: Ai-yah! Say, you walk along the load(road), den somone come over and dig your nose, you like it meh? Eh?? Don't pray pray la.

Aloy: Then why is it a woman having menses cannot have sex?
PCK: OI! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh? Siow ah! Use your blain man!

Aloy: Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms?
PCK: Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not? Nobody dig nose with glove one la. Corlight (correct) or not?

Aloy: Then why making love must carried out in private?
PCK: Ah boyyyyyyyy, use your blain, use your blain... you go and dig your nose in flont of the public ah? Stupid lah!!!

nus

2008-08-22T23:24:00.005+08:00

i went to NUS today to crash a lecture.
haven't taken photos in a errr long time!

and then i watched enviously as my two lucky friends
dyed and put on outrageous hairstyles.

DAMN THE ARMY.

And hasn't anyone noticed the pun of the phrase
"Force of Choice"?

It amuses me so much that nobody has really noticed,
or probably they're so scared of being sued that..
oh well...

been busy anyway.

Meet dave? LOL

2008-08-17T22:34:00.004+08:00

I didn't watch the movie, but....
everytime i look at this poster,
i feel an uneasy sense of miffling irritation,
filled with a desire to knock the bloody look
off Eddie Murphy's face.

Stupid, i say.
STUPID. FARKING STUPID IDIOTIC STUPID FACE.

The 7 Deadly Sins.

2008-08-14T14:41:00.004+08:00

As it really should be.

1. Stupidity

2. Pretentiousness

3. Solipsism

4. Self-deceit

5. Herd Conformity

6. Counterproductive Pride

7. Lack of Aesthetics

Lastly, a word of advice.
Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

omg drunk

2008-08-10T12:30:00.002+08:00

i remember not much of last night,
other than the hilarious fact of
sheila falling all over the place,
and jiajun's somehow got half naked
in the club.

and i was molesting a lieutenant in a cab.
i think.

faints.

Hiatus

2008-08-05T20:47:00.002+08:00

I find no need to chronicle my currently uneventful
life.

I guess its on to another phase of my life.

It always happens.

Somethingstore

2008-07-29T20:48:00.002+08:00

i just bought something from SomethingStore

Hopefully something good turns up in the mail!!!

my way of the ninja

2008-07-24T21:06:00.003+08:00

If only he was real.......

free as the wind, wild as the leaves

2008-07-20T16:31:00.004+08:00

“I want to hear raucous music, to see faces, to brush against bodies, to drink fiery Benedictine. Beautiful women and handsome men arouse fierce desires in me. I want to dance. I want drugs. I want to know perverse people, to be intimate with them. I never look at naive faces. I want to bite into life, and to be torn by it.”
” – Anaïs Nin

And then emerge out healthily scarred,
i've been through it all ; life as it is,
not the ideals.

Today is the day i officially declare
my switch from an infp to intp.
intp? oh yeah, the below, verbs, are all of me.
Characteristics

Hey, that's all bad?
Ahh now i sound smart

Happy birthday!

2008-07-19T17:12:00.003+08:00

Thanks guys.
There wasn't confetti, party poppers
or any red carpet.
But it was one of the best birthdays
i remember in my life.

Thank you.

how dare the insults to the japanese

2008-07-14T20:16:00.009+08:00

'But if we have more immigrants than genuine Singaporeans, you become a different people.'

Hence, the need for Singaporeans to replace themselves. - The Straits Times

ok. i get it that its a plea for singaporeans to stop
migrating overseas, but that problem will take true
democracy to solve.
I don't even wanna talk about what warped idea of
a "people" was set in definition.

HOWEVER,

'If Japan wants to be part of this globalised world, Japan will have to accept these changes,' he said. 'There's no way you can remain...in a group where you can speak to each other not in words but in grunts.' - The Straits Times

THIS. IS TOO MUCH.
Grunts?
According to source,

'We are a small country, we can take immigrants...and there are many bright Chinese and bright Indians who are joining us,' he said. - The Straits Times

Yes i know. but most of them end up in the construction sites.

At least the japanese have patriotism and pride to their
nationality.

Please have respect for a country, whose people are doing
so f**king much better in courteousy and manners,
and have governments which don't throw their dirty linens
out to their neighbour's yard.

Deeply rooted culture, unique to them, makes them a
PEOPLE. The japanese grunt? FHS, i've been there and
been pleasantly shocked at the courteousy they have displayed
compare to ourselves.

We probably snort.

Majesty 2

2008-07-11T03:42:00.003+08:00

Coming out Q1 of 2009!

I would give ANYTHING, ok maybe just alot of things
just to get this game right here and now.
I get excited just thinking about it.
Omgggggg best game EVER.

Majesty Gold Edition was out in 2003, i'm still playing it,
but the graphics kinda suck.
But yet it's one of the greatest games i ever played.
So...torrent it if you can find it.

Fucking awesome.